I did not expect the discomfort and emptiness that developed as we got closer to the opening of the Prayer and Wisdom group installation.  I felt the nakedness of having put my work out there and the anticipation of how it would be received, the crushing weight of trying to find my worth or validation through creativity, of trying to save myself, literally, by the works of my own hands.  Of course that’s not what I say my artmaking is about, but hours before the opening I felt naked, exposed and fearful and had to own up to my own misguided, crooked ways. 

And while trying to get the courage or clarity to work through these thoughts, or maybe avoid them, I did something I had never noticed before (though I am sure it has happened) I threw  myself into a new project.

Passing by the same plastic top of a shopping cart by the railroad tracks I do each week, the thought of actually picking it up seemed more immediate and pressing.  The images and projects I had imagined for it seemed close, coupled with the crushed red heart shaped tin I picked up earlier in the day from off the street in front of an abandoned Catholic church, energized by a week of installation building and fueled by a desire to hide from my own fears I got home and got right to work. 

I have been interested in religious folk art and wayside shrines for years.  From Gothic statutes and their unfinished look and edges, to lead singer Perry Ferrell’s cover art for Ritual de la Habitual for Jane’s Addiction, part of my own interest in assemblage stems from this art form and tradition. 

I have collected candles and prayer cards, rosary beads and symbols from the Catholic faith and I am not even sure why.  My own Protestant impulses and beliefs are not drawn to honor God through these means but I think I always feel an affinity for the ritual, the idea of sacred space or sacred ways.  I think we as humans are drawn to rituals and sacred spaces, even if we are not believers.  We attribute more value to certain activities or places or objects than we do others.  And while these may be simple folk ways, not part of a centralized belief system they do point to a larger human experience.

Yet we are also reluctant to name this or even recognize this in ourselves or society.  We speak of God with no content, no specifics.  Our discourse is polite to the point of having nothing to really say.  It is embarrassing to speak of specific beliefs, just belief in general. 

“TO AN UNKNOWN GOD” was an inscription the apostle Paul found on an altar in Athens.  He spoke to the people present, to declare to them the God they worshipped in ignorance. 

I wanted to illustrate our unwillingness to name this god of no content and make him specific.  I also wanted to point out the mystery is less mystery as it is willful ignorance.  A lot of great “spiritual” feelings get “ruined” by the specifics of faith.  We want to believe that Love is really all you need, as John Lennon sang, but we only seem disturbed by the lack of others to express this love.  We chose to not know, we chose to hide and not answer some questions or know some answers, symbolized by the heart, crushed in the streets of the city, guarded by barbed wire, unwilling and unable to answer or ask.  The saints have been removed from the candles, all that is left is an empty space surrounded by religious trappings.  And the whole structure is not what it appears, it is not special, it is not sacred, it is part of a shopping cart from Kroger and discarded and fashioned anew into a space, put on wheels to make it mobile, not stationary and thus not set in a special or sacred space.

It did not work to hide myself from my own nakedness or to try to save myself by my works.  My art is not sacred and it has no power to save me or move others to validate my efforts.  It’s just art.  We can hide in our little ritual spaces or we can run to them for help but as Paul told the curious onlookers,

 “The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things”

Shield

But You, O LORD, are a shield about me,
My glory, and the One who lifts my head. 

Perils, shouts of despair and hopelessness, shame, enemies, failures, temptations, fears, regrets, trials.  Not all the time and not all at once, but these are common struggles for us all.  One of the surest places in prayer I ever come to is the declaration that God is my shield, He lifts my head and He stands between me and my enemies. 

Ultimately, it is in Christ that we see this expressed, He bore our sorrows and the shame for our sins before His Father so that we might have access to pray and find acceptance with a holy God. 

Psalms 3, 84, 91

Every Tear

You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle
Are they not in Your book? 

Every tear is kept and marked down.  Not a trial or tribulation is missed. 

I think it is easy to miss that God’s omniscience is not a divine expression of scrapbooking.  We aren’t comforted by the fact that God is all knowing or compulsive enough to keep track of everything, but that He thinks fondly enough of us to take note of our every trial and every tear.  It is great reminder that we can confidently draw near to Him, casting our burdens and anxieties on Him because He truly does care for us, on intimate level.

Psalm 56:8

Everything

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD! 

Psalms are songs, no doubt, and most if not all, were put to music, but they are also instruction.  They call us to praise God in all aspects of our lives, sadness, anger, joy, triumph, lament, dedication.  But we aren’t all musicians that get to play in the great assembly of saints, and so Psalms ends with the instruction that everything that has breath is to praise God. Everything.

Psalm 150

I am exciting to be taking part in this group installation.  There is always a gap between what I visualize a project to look like and how it comes out, but this is even more exciting because it is such a grand scale, other artists with great visions and talents, and hearing their ideas but waiting to see it take shape and come together and how they interact.  The gallery space is being prepped and it looks awesome.  It has it’s own look and I am already amazed.

Below is an image developed for a stencil I made for one of my contributions, excited again to see how things come together and to move away from how I have done things before, open up for input while a project is in process and just have a great time laughing and working and moving pianos and hanging ropes and drawing with ash.  And that was just day one for me! 

Through our recent road trip and a DVD I borrowed, I  found out about a three men that have inspired me to continue attempting to make art and find a place of service and blessing to others in it.

Leonard Knight’s Salvation Mountain, in Niland CA, Horace Burgess’ tree house in Crossville, TN and H. Harrison Mayes’ roadsigns everywhere, are striking examples to me of how faith informs our lives, including making art.  From what I have read, all three were motivated by their faith and devotion and never tried to make more out of their actions than they did their faith.  No business, no catchy marketing, just living as they felt led.  No explanation and no fanfare.

Some can see it as odd or ecentric, misguided or benign, but I have been blessed justing knowing these men have it in their hearts to obey God and try with their lives to see others come to know that love and salvation offered to us through His Son.

Stirred in my own attempts and blessed by these works, I just wanted to share them with you.

Also check out Austin White’s site.  They were gracious and open to me using his photo.  And they personally have met Leonard and confirmed he is just an amazing person.

In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down or cut him
til he cried out in his anger and his shame
I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains
Yes he still remains

The Simon & Garfunkel song, “The Boxer” always reminds me of a good friend of mine.  In every verse there is memory of him or his story.  We were together in Sept ‘01, watching the first live broadcast of SNL after the 9/11 attacks when Paul Simon sang this song after Giuliani’s opening monologue.  It seemed fitting then of the resolve during troubled times for NYC and as I reflect on my dear friend and his past and recent struggles in this troubled economy I find myself seeing him as that unwavering, hard headed boxer, being pushed by cold winds and struck by heavy blows and still standing and still remaining.

I doubt he feels heroic.  Most likely he only feels tragically “trapped.” All he can do is stand and take it, what else is there?  And certainly part of that is true.  Often in life we feel like we are fighters, not winners really, just fighters.  We are just too thick to quit, so we fight.  Life pushes us into a corner and the only way out it seems is to keep at it, but our arms get heavy, our vision weak and there is nothing to do but just take it until you get that second wind, until you find that strength or until you hear the bell sound.

And I get that, and realize the frustration of just reminding yourself of platitudes, but the biggest part of me, the truest part of me has to remember we aren’t called fighters or even winners, but MORE than winners, by a God who took on the blackest, darkest hour and heard the count to ten and in an incredible reversal, to which there is no earthly parallel, He rose and conquered our worst enemies, our very fears and made a way for His grace to reach us where we even oppose ourselves.

There is no denial of our pain; of our trials, of our suffering, though we are often reluctant to call it that knowing as we do the harder life of others in this world.  But we do suffer and we do lose heart after we receive blow after blow.  And there comes a time when we all want to quit or do quit.  Or we can hang on in stubbornness and not know what else to do.

And I am not suggesting my friend has failed to remember the promises of our great Savior or that he is deficient in crying out to God, I just have felt the need to be there for him and acknowledge that he is not crazy, he is not whining, and his complaint is just and to also encourage him, to “put heart into” him, to “strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble” that he not lose heart. 

This piece was made for him, just trying to show in a tangible way the prayers and thoughts that have been with him.

There is no solution presented in it, just a heartfelt acknowledgement of suffering and stubbornness and of the wounds we carry with us.

Recent international news has made me grateful for the peaceful transitions of governmental power via elections here inthe U.S. But I also have been reflecting for months on the mostly negative talk coming from Christians regarding President Obama. I didn’t vote for him and I disagree on many of his policies, but I am a Christian first and a U.S. citizen second.

This piece reflects my take on many of us in the church who look to influence our world through politics. We are not called to violence OR power. I am not opposed to Christians pursuing a life of service to community through political involvement but so called, decades old “Culture War” is largely being waged through politics and I feel like that is misguided.

I find most disturbing the Antichrist role many in the church and religious right assign to President Obama, not because that is offensive, it is and it bothers me, but worst than that is the lack of any mention of a Christ role in the story.  Jesus Christ isn’t mentioned, even the church isn’t mentioned, the only uneasy references to saviors are political players and that is what I am most concerned with.  My intention is not to engage as much in the dialogue of politics and speculate on 2012 candidates but to simply refocus my own thoughts and heart on the heart of the Gospel, the person and work of Jesus Christ, not elected, not chosen by us, but victor over death and as will be seen one day, ruler of all the earth.

The background to the ballots and bullets are bible passages that relate our spiritual battle and where our allegiance belongs. They have been cut out, as a symbol of the violence we do to the scriptures when we use them to support earthly kingdoms or ignore them to pursue power over preaching the gospel. But the lowest level has the same scripture passages still whole, shining through, because God’s word won’t fail even if we do.

Verses used
Jesus said…”No man can serve two masters” Mt 6:24
Paul told us that “we wrestle not against flesh and blood” Ep6:12
He also said we “walk in the flesh but don’t war after the flesh” 2Cor 10:3

And finally, Romans 13
Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves.
For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for conscience’ sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for rulers are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing. Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.