I did not expect the discomfort and emptiness that developed as we got closer to the opening of the Prayer and Wisdom group installation.  I felt the nakedness of having put my work out there and the anticipation of how it would be received, the crushing weight of trying to find my worth or validation through creativity, of trying to save myself, literally, by the works of my own hands.  Of course that’s not what I say my artmaking is about, but hours before the opening I felt naked, exposed and fearful and had to own up to my own misguided, crooked ways. 

And while trying to get the courage or clarity to work through these thoughts, or maybe avoid them, I did something I had never noticed before (though I am sure it has happened) I threw  myself into a new project.

Passing by the same plastic top of a shopping cart by the railroad tracks I do each week, the thought of actually picking it up seemed more immediate and pressing.  The images and projects I had imagined for it seemed close, coupled with the crushed red heart shaped tin I picked up earlier in the day from off the street in front of an abandoned Catholic church, energized by a week of installation building and fueled by a desire to hide from my own fears I got home and got right to work. 

I have been interested in religious folk art and wayside shrines for years.  From Gothic statutes and their unfinished look and edges, to lead singer Perry Ferrell’s cover art for Ritual de la Habitual for Jane’s Addiction, part of my own interest in assemblage stems from this art form and tradition. 

I have collected candles and prayer cards, rosary beads and symbols from the Catholic faith and I am not even sure why.  My own Protestant impulses and beliefs are not drawn to honor God through these means but I think I always feel an affinity for the ritual, the idea of sacred space or sacred ways.  I think we as humans are drawn to rituals and sacred spaces, even if we are not believers.  We attribute more value to certain activities or places or objects than we do others.  And while these may be simple folk ways, not part of a centralized belief system they do point to a larger human experience.

Yet we are also reluctant to name this or even recognize this in ourselves or society.  We speak of God with no content, no specifics.  Our discourse is polite to the point of having nothing to really say.  It is embarrassing to speak of specific beliefs, just belief in general. 

“TO AN UNKNOWN GOD” was an inscription the apostle Paul found on an altar in Athens.  He spoke to the people present, to declare to them the God they worshipped in ignorance. 

I wanted to illustrate our unwillingness to name this god of no content and make him specific.  I also wanted to point out the mystery is less mystery as it is willful ignorance.  A lot of great “spiritual” feelings get “ruined” by the specifics of faith.  We want to believe that Love is really all you need, as John Lennon sang, but we only seem disturbed by the lack of others to express this love.  We chose to not know, we chose to hide and not answer some questions or know some answers, symbolized by the heart, crushed in the streets of the city, guarded by barbed wire, unwilling and unable to answer or ask.  The saints have been removed from the candles, all that is left is an empty space surrounded by religious trappings.  And the whole structure is not what it appears, it is not special, it is not sacred, it is part of a shopping cart from Kroger and discarded and fashioned anew into a space, put on wheels to make it mobile, not stationary and thus not set in a special or sacred space.

It did not work to hide myself from my own nakedness or to try to save myself by my works.  My art is not sacred and it has no power to save me or move others to validate my efforts.  It’s just art.  We can hide in our little ritual spaces or we can run to them for help but as Paul told the curious onlookers,

 “The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things”

 Thought I should write a quick update, been busy with work that isn’t really something I can post here yet.  Working on some pieces that are part of an installation that is a reflection on the book of Psalms. 

Looking forwrad to a few things about this including, working as a group with fellow art folks from my church, seeing the installation come together, seeing how different ideas take shape, including my own.

On that note, it was exciting today to push through some obstacles and normal ways I work.  I usually work in a very literal vein, what I can only think of as “being a purist.”  So if I need arrows, as I do for my project for the upcoming installation, my mind goes to how to produce arrows of a historic sort, complete with hand made fletchings from real feathers and arrow heads knapped from flint…not capable of actual flight but approximating a look I feel is aunthentic.

But faced with both time and money constraints and yet wanting to be productive today and not push the project off til later (no time for that really), I looked through materials I did have and came up with a totally different look made from National Geographic pictures of Terns (a sea bird of sorts) and Canada Geese for flecthings and playing cards cut into arrow heads.

I know, sounds crazy, but I like the look and it works for me on several layers, but what is really exciting for me was getting away from a literal representation and using materials creatively.

This post serves as a marker to myself mostly to remember this development and continue to explore that.  But if you have been reading then thought you might care to know what has been going on.

The above image was originally going to be for my review of my time at Calvin Institute (in Grand Rapids MI, near Holland) and the symposium on worship, but I am feeling like that may not happen and I like the Dutch Chuck piece (get the Holland reference now?).  So there it is.

Below is basically the letter I wrote for my brother in law, a great kid, still in High School who really inspired me this last week by his desire to give gifts for his family, earning and spending his own money to get gifts, real gifts, for his family, and his new brothers in law.

A little about this gift…

It is a portion of a letter tray, used for holding type, I love trying to figure out how to design and create in small spaces and it allows for there to be more than one thing being said at a time…like our lives, but we are also beyond compartmentalizing ourselves.

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Your initials, mine too, and I was glad to share the few letters I had to make you a gift.

The first little jar has the phrenology head you like, sorry I don’t have a spare one I can part with right now, but if I did, you would have it.  But the image is powerful to me because it is a great example of humanity’s attempts to understand ourselves, our behaviors and our souls.  It is a scientific attempt but it ultimately fails.  The jar contains withered grass and a pinch of dust; both from a graveyard, reminders of our mortality and that there is a terminal limit on searching for self knowledge.

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You are one of the few people I talk with who both enjoys political discussion and also sees limits to our system the way it is.  I did a piece called “Neither Ballots NOR Bullets,” you saw it and this little piece is based upon it.  Christianity and the Bible are above politics though they have political relevance, Jesus didn’t come to setup a political system or support a political party.  The bullet I found in a parking lot and the Rockefeller campaign “pin” is from either his 1960, 64 or 68 presidential bid and it is the kind of “pin” that you would fold the back over the top of your shirt pocket to clasp it.  I had Goldwater too, but thought you’d appreciate the Rockefeller pin more; money, moderate social stances, fiscally sounds, etc.

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Key holes to me represent mystery, we don’t know everything, nor can we…it’s not wrong to ask questions as long as you can handle not everything has an answer or more accurately we may not understand the answer. 

“The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever, that we may observe all the words of this law.”

Light bulb, because you are very bright, as in, intelligent, but the bulb also must be connected to the source to shed light to others. We are at our best when connected to the source,  and we also, despite our understanding and intelligence must also be ok being next to mystery.

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Family Curse Jar

You are the first to receive or even see this piece (besides my close confidant, your sister).  I am working on a new piece that is about curses, and family curses, but it isn’t about our immediate or even distant ancestors, it is about Adam and Eve and their fall and the curse we all bear now.  It is based upon hoo doo (African American folk religion/magic)  of the mojo bags and conjure men and women)  So the jar collects symbols of the curses…cursed earth, from the graveyard, snake skin, tears/sweat from child labor and hard work, thorns and thistles from a ground no longer easy to work, a “nation bag,” used by women in Memphis to allure and dominate men, symbol of Eve’s struggle and fig leaf stamps, exiled from the garden in our nakedness…­

Through our recent road trip and a DVD I borrowed, I  found out about a three men that have inspired me to continue attempting to make art and find a place of service and blessing to others in it.

Leonard Knight’s Salvation Mountain, in Niland CA, Horace Burgess’ tree house in Crossville, TN and H. Harrison Mayes’ roadsigns everywhere, are striking examples to me of how faith informs our lives, including making art.  From what I have read, all three were motivated by their faith and devotion and never tried to make more out of their actions than they did their faith.  No business, no catchy marketing, just living as they felt led.  No explanation and no fanfare.

Some can see it as odd or ecentric, misguided or benign, but I have been blessed justing knowing these men have it in their hearts to obey God and try with their lives to see others come to know that love and salvation offered to us through His Son.

Stirred in my own attempts and blessed by these works, I just wanted to share them with you.

Also check out Austin White’s site.  They were gracious and open to me using his photo.  And they personally have met Leonard and confirmed he is just an amazing person.

It was around 1986, and he spoke with conviction, thick glasses and cool dreads. He danced to music as his voiceover explained his dancing was like an act of worship, though without using that word.  It concluded with him stating “Some sing, some pray, I dance.”  And then the Levi’s logo faded up as the picture faded to black. 

I of course wasn’t moved to go buy a pair of Levi’s, even though almost 25 years later I still remember the commercial (and somehow still think of Levi’s as the best jeans).  But of the idea that dancing was like a prayer, an act of devotion, I remember being intrigued but never really experiencing that in my own life.   

I think of my frustration through my own waywardness and hearing Rich Mullins sing a song and wondering if it was possible to know God like that, to really enjoy that incredible blend of joyful creativity in response to the Creator who wasn’t the frowning and grey stoic I had come to fear He was.  I had my doubts.

But as I have started to explore making art and writing I have come to enjoy art as devotion. Making art as a response to God, making art to work through His moving in my life and my faltering movements towards Him.  And in it, looking to bless others, though I am not sure how much that happens. 

In making pieces, at least for now, the ideas are coming from my own interactions and reflections on scripture, the struggles in my own life and how I see God resolving issues, though never along my preconceived path.  The processes often involve the meditating and ruminating on some concept, theme or portion of scripture that seems pertinent. 

I find myself echoing statements I have heard artists make about being surprised by what they have created, or how the materials led them in a direction they hadn’t planned.  I have experienced that and was amazed at how you can start with an idea, a vision and by working at something, a solution or direction presents itself because of the materials or process used.  And I have seen how I have already grown in my projects, where before I was too literal, or forcing something, more concerned with “being an artist” than making art. 

But just as important as how the content develops, is how I find myself going about the projects, mindful of patience and how I am exploring and not attempting perfection.  Learning to not be bound by the mental image in my head and literally trying to reproduce it in one attempt. No longer rushing through to finish, but looking to enjoy the development of a concept, and working on it as well. 

Outside of the projects, I am seeking to live in balance, to not forgo my duties around the house or to not leave off interacting with and enjoying my wife’s company. 

So I find that art making is a exercise were I learn balance, learn patience, interact with and reflect on God’s word and look for His leading and respond to Him with my humble little creative acts, as I look for His handiwork in my life and try to be teachable.

This piece, “84”, is my first attempt at collage, assemblage and art making.  I am not fond of it really, but it was the beginning and if nothing else it is a mile marker on my journey.  It is a pictorial representation of psalm 84, one of my favorite psalms.  I didn’t really explore any of the ideas or concepts that I find so salient in the psalm nor why, so it is static, but there it is.