I did not expect the discomfort and emptiness that developed as we got closer to the opening of the Prayer and Wisdom group installation.  I felt the nakedness of having put my work out there and the anticipation of how it would be received, the crushing weight of trying to find my worth or validation through creativity, of trying to save myself, literally, by the works of my own hands.  Of course that’s not what I say my artmaking is about, but hours before the opening I felt naked, exposed and fearful and had to own up to my own misguided, crooked ways. 

And while trying to get the courage or clarity to work through these thoughts, or maybe avoid them, I did something I had never noticed before (though I am sure it has happened) I threw  myself into a new project.

Passing by the same plastic top of a shopping cart by the railroad tracks I do each week, the thought of actually picking it up seemed more immediate and pressing.  The images and projects I had imagined for it seemed close, coupled with the crushed red heart shaped tin I picked up earlier in the day from off the street in front of an abandoned Catholic church, energized by a week of installation building and fueled by a desire to hide from my own fears I got home and got right to work. 

I have been interested in religious folk art and wayside shrines for years.  From Gothic statutes and their unfinished look and edges, to lead singer Perry Ferrell’s cover art for Ritual de la Habitual for Jane’s Addiction, part of my own interest in assemblage stems from this art form and tradition. 

I have collected candles and prayer cards, rosary beads and symbols from the Catholic faith and I am not even sure why.  My own Protestant impulses and beliefs are not drawn to honor God through these means but I think I always feel an affinity for the ritual, the idea of sacred space or sacred ways.  I think we as humans are drawn to rituals and sacred spaces, even if we are not believers.  We attribute more value to certain activities or places or objects than we do others.  And while these may be simple folk ways, not part of a centralized belief system they do point to a larger human experience.

Yet we are also reluctant to name this or even recognize this in ourselves or society.  We speak of God with no content, no specifics.  Our discourse is polite to the point of having nothing to really say.  It is embarrassing to speak of specific beliefs, just belief in general. 

“TO AN UNKNOWN GOD” was an inscription the apostle Paul found on an altar in Athens.  He spoke to the people present, to declare to them the God they worshipped in ignorance. 

I wanted to illustrate our unwillingness to name this god of no content and make him specific.  I also wanted to point out the mystery is less mystery as it is willful ignorance.  A lot of great “spiritual” feelings get “ruined” by the specifics of faith.  We want to believe that Love is really all you need, as John Lennon sang, but we only seem disturbed by the lack of others to express this love.  We chose to not know, we chose to hide and not answer some questions or know some answers, symbolized by the heart, crushed in the streets of the city, guarded by barbed wire, unwilling and unable to answer or ask.  The saints have been removed from the candles, all that is left is an empty space surrounded by religious trappings.  And the whole structure is not what it appears, it is not special, it is not sacred, it is part of a shopping cart from Kroger and discarded and fashioned anew into a space, put on wheels to make it mobile, not stationary and thus not set in a special or sacred space.

It did not work to hide myself from my own nakedness or to try to save myself by my works.  My art is not sacred and it has no power to save me or move others to validate my efforts.  It’s just art.  We can hide in our little ritual spaces or we can run to them for help but as Paul told the curious onlookers,

 “The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things”

Shield

But You, O LORD, are a shield about me,
My glory, and the One who lifts my head. 

Perils, shouts of despair and hopelessness, shame, enemies, failures, temptations, fears, regrets, trials.  Not all the time and not all at once, but these are common struggles for us all.  One of the surest places in prayer I ever come to is the declaration that God is my shield, He lifts my head and He stands between me and my enemies. 

Ultimately, it is in Christ that we see this expressed, He bore our sorrows and the shame for our sins before His Father so that we might have access to pray and find acceptance with a holy God. 

Psalms 3, 84, 91

Every Tear

You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle
Are they not in Your book? 

Every tear is kept and marked down.  Not a trial or tribulation is missed. 

I think it is easy to miss that God’s omniscience is not a divine expression of scrapbooking.  We aren’t comforted by the fact that God is all knowing or compulsive enough to keep track of everything, but that He thinks fondly enough of us to take note of our every trial and every tear.  It is great reminder that we can confidently draw near to Him, casting our burdens and anxieties on Him because He truly does care for us, on intimate level.

Psalm 56:8

Everything

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD! 

Psalms are songs, no doubt, and most if not all, were put to music, but they are also instruction.  They call us to praise God in all aspects of our lives, sadness, anger, joy, triumph, lament, dedication.  But we aren’t all musicians that get to play in the great assembly of saints, and so Psalms ends with the instruction that everything that has breath is to praise God. Everything.

Psalm 150

I am exciting to be taking part in this group installation.  There is always a gap between what I visualize a project to look like and how it comes out, but this is even more exciting because it is such a grand scale, other artists with great visions and talents, and hearing their ideas but waiting to see it take shape and come together and how they interact.  The gallery space is being prepped and it looks awesome.  It has it’s own look and I am already amazed.

Below is an image developed for a stencil I made for one of my contributions, excited again to see how things come together and to move away from how I have done things before, open up for input while a project is in process and just have a great time laughing and working and moving pianos and hanging ropes and drawing with ash.  And that was just day one for me! 

Notes from Jeremy Begbie’s Address at Asbury College, Nov 12th 2009

Keying off a piece of music written in the 1930’s, that was trying to capture the “music of the future enjoyed in the present.” Dr. Begbie explored the nature and central role of hope in our faith and how that informs our lives and artmaking.

We often hope from the present for a better future, but the New Testament employs what Dr. Begbie called a “Reverse Imagination” where our real future hope is to play out in our present, not hoping for the future but hoping from the future.

Looking at Revelation chapter 21 and the city of God, the New Jerusalem, he outlined five features of our subversive hope.

1. Enriching Difference

The diversity of the New Jerusalem that will be home to all nations, or peoples, demonstrates that differences and distinctions among people groups are ok, but we are not to make those distinctions into values or hierarchies of cultures.

 Throughout his lecture he used music pieces as ways to demonstrate how these concepts can inform our art making.  For diversity he used a piece demonstrating polyrhythm and the richness, musically, built upon it.

2. Insane Inversion

The first shall be last, the humble exalted and the Lamb on the Throne, all are clear examples of how God will reverse our cultural norms and expectations.  It was a reminder of the great counter cultural nature of our faith. 

Power is radically redefined based upon our hope from the future.

He noted how Nietzsche is the Church’s best critic, for he saw clearly the cross shaped offense and how “ridiculous” it was, we can learn from him because he often got the implications of our counter culture faith better than we as the church have.

3. Piercing Exposure

Our hope is not sentimental, but reveals the root and depth of evil.  The Lamb who was slain will be central in the New Jerusalem, not covering up the ugliness of sin, but it’s cost to God ever before us.

Our condition is unveiled and God’s response is greater than we can imagine, canceling the sentimentality of our own day. 

He noted how we can’t skip over the Cross as though the Resurrection is just a happy ending, the Cross is central to our faith, the reversal of the Resurrection doesn’t diminish the ugliness of the Cross and our sinfulness in a sentimental way.

4. Divine Excess

The fullness of our Future Hope, its full expression is excessive, “subverting our closed equilibrium.” There is an abundance demonstrated in the extreme fruitfulness of the Tree of Life, its fruits and even its leaves that are for the healing of the nations. 

There is novelty, not trite, but over and above what it “necessary.”

“Art can say more than can be told.”

5. Nominal Order

Dr. Begbie called the “non-order,” the Jazz Factor, it is the unpredictable.  The improvisation, playing between the space between order and non order, not order and chaos. 

Untidiness is not a mark of chaos or disorder, just irregularities.

This is seen in the new creation, and can come forth in art making. 

I was encouraged especially by the idea of piercing exposure as my own artmaking has recently focused on the unsentimental truth about our own mortality.  I have been exploring ideas in the art of dying to try to place before myself the “unpretty” truth that death comes for us all and we may ignore it but we are better served by facing it and preparing it.  I have wrestled theologically on focusing on the bad news when I know the rest of the story and our great hope, but I found comfort in the idea that our hope is open faced and wide eyed and takes full account of the bad news first before the good news can break through.

My notes are of course incomplete and don’t do Dr. Begbie’s lecture justice, please don’t consider them as a word for word transcript, they are just the topics discussed and the notes I made.  I do certainly recommend hearing him speak if you are given the chance, he masterful blend of musicianship, theology and public speaking are insightful and encouraging beyond what I have reviewed here. 

Looking forward to getting him speak at the Calvin Institute for Christian Worship’s Calvin Symposium on Worship, January 28-30, 2010 in Grand Rapids MI.

It was around 1986, and he spoke with conviction, thick glasses and cool dreads. He danced to music as his voiceover explained his dancing was like an act of worship, though without using that word.  It concluded with him stating “Some sing, some pray, I dance.”  And then the Levi’s logo faded up as the picture faded to black. 

I of course wasn’t moved to go buy a pair of Levi’s, even though almost 25 years later I still remember the commercial (and somehow still think of Levi’s as the best jeans).  But of the idea that dancing was like a prayer, an act of devotion, I remember being intrigued but never really experiencing that in my own life.   

I think of my frustration through my own waywardness and hearing Rich Mullins sing a song and wondering if it was possible to know God like that, to really enjoy that incredible blend of joyful creativity in response to the Creator who wasn’t the frowning and grey stoic I had come to fear He was.  I had my doubts.

But as I have started to explore making art and writing I have come to enjoy art as devotion. Making art as a response to God, making art to work through His moving in my life and my faltering movements towards Him.  And in it, looking to bless others, though I am not sure how much that happens. 

In making pieces, at least for now, the ideas are coming from my own interactions and reflections on scripture, the struggles in my own life and how I see God resolving issues, though never along my preconceived path.  The processes often involve the meditating and ruminating on some concept, theme or portion of scripture that seems pertinent. 

I find myself echoing statements I have heard artists make about being surprised by what they have created, or how the materials led them in a direction they hadn’t planned.  I have experienced that and was amazed at how you can start with an idea, a vision and by working at something, a solution or direction presents itself because of the materials or process used.  And I have seen how I have already grown in my projects, where before I was too literal, or forcing something, more concerned with “being an artist” than making art. 

But just as important as how the content develops, is how I find myself going about the projects, mindful of patience and how I am exploring and not attempting perfection.  Learning to not be bound by the mental image in my head and literally trying to reproduce it in one attempt. No longer rushing through to finish, but looking to enjoy the development of a concept, and working on it as well. 

Outside of the projects, I am seeking to live in balance, to not forgo my duties around the house or to not leave off interacting with and enjoying my wife’s company. 

So I find that art making is a exercise were I learn balance, learn patience, interact with and reflect on God’s word and look for His leading and respond to Him with my humble little creative acts, as I look for His handiwork in my life and try to be teachable.

This piece, “84”, is my first attempt at collage, assemblage and art making.  I am not fond of it really, but it was the beginning and if nothing else it is a mile marker on my journey.  It is a pictorial representation of psalm 84, one of my favorite psalms.  I didn’t really explore any of the ideas or concepts that I find so salient in the psalm nor why, so it is static, but there it is.

Recent international news has made me grateful for the peaceful transitions of governmental power via elections here inthe U.S. But I also have been reflecting for months on the mostly negative talk coming from Christians regarding President Obama. I didn’t vote for him and I disagree on many of his policies, but I am a Christian first and a U.S. citizen second.

This piece reflects my take on many of us in the church who look to influence our world through politics. We are not called to violence OR power. I am not opposed to Christians pursuing a life of service to community through political involvement but so called, decades old “Culture War” is largely being waged through politics and I feel like that is misguided.

I find most disturbing the Antichrist role many in the church and religious right assign to President Obama, not because that is offensive, it is and it bothers me, but worst than that is the lack of any mention of a Christ role in the story.  Jesus Christ isn’t mentioned, even the church isn’t mentioned, the only uneasy references to saviors are political players and that is what I am most concerned with.  My intention is not to engage as much in the dialogue of politics and speculate on 2012 candidates but to simply refocus my own thoughts and heart on the heart of the Gospel, the person and work of Jesus Christ, not elected, not chosen by us, but victor over death and as will be seen one day, ruler of all the earth.

The background to the ballots and bullets are bible passages that relate our spiritual battle and where our allegiance belongs. They have been cut out, as a symbol of the violence we do to the scriptures when we use them to support earthly kingdoms or ignore them to pursue power over preaching the gospel. But the lowest level has the same scripture passages still whole, shining through, because God’s word won’t fail even if we do.

Verses used
Jesus said…”No man can serve two masters” Mt 6:24
Paul told us that “we wrestle not against flesh and blood” Ep6:12
He also said we “walk in the flesh but don’t war after the flesh” 2Cor 10:3

And finally, Romans 13
Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves.
For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for conscience’ sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for rulers are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing. Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.

Organizing the box of treasured old watches and watch parts I was amazed at the intricacy, design and amazingly small scale.  A couple hours spent sorting through them and seeing more and more possibilities for art projects, jewelry, photographs, etc. But I kept coming back to how beautiful the little timepieces were all by themselves. 

In such a compact space, there are such small and delicate parts that fit and work together, with precision, with a measured accuracy.  There are screws, gears, and springs, of all different sizes.  And the composition encased in metal.  Dials and small hands, all of which create a larger beauty when put together than they could as interesting little pieces all by themselves.

I wondered about the individual who had collected all these pieces to work on, wrapping individual watches in little pieces of thin paper and labeling little plastic bins of higher end watches.  I wondered at the mind that would use thin pieces of paper and old cat food cans as their sorting system. 

But even if this treasure trove came from a collector, someone made them, engineered them and constructed them, and I marveled.  I still do.

There was a sense of the beauty of these pieces of art and also of the mind and personality of the creator behind them.

I realized that the single cell, a single atom, DNA, were far smaller, more complex and too, pointed to the mind and personality of a designer.

Teachers in both the Old and New Testaments pointed to created things to impart some truth.  Consider the ant…Consider the birds…Consider the lilies…

Often time the created order also was a pointed reminder of the care shown by the Creator for his creation.

Sometimes, awe in the face of creation, at even being noticed in such a grand piece of art

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
              The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;

What is man that You take thought of him,
                And the son of man that You care for him?

Creation of things of beauty can often remind us to consider the creator.  That’s what happens every time I look at these little works of art, and then too I am reminded to consider the Creator.

I share this little treasure with you and pray it may be a silent witness to the existence of a Creator, who has drawn near to your life, closer than you may know.

­As I considered how to share these little gems I thought it best to let them just be a little picture themselves, and not try to add too much visually to their intricate and delicate beauty.  They are encased in small watchmaker tins, the actual storage bin less frugal watchmakers and watch repairmen would use to sort out watches and parts.  The images on the sides are from the above mentioned examples in the scriptures, the ant, the birds and the lilies.

“Art for art’s sake,” the oft quoted, bohemian creed of sophisticated, individual freedom of expression for the sole purpose of expression itself, ain’t half wrong.

Let me explain.

Foundational to an understanding of this thing we call humanity, is that we were created in God’s image, Imago Dei in Latin.  And we first encounter God in scriptures as eternal, self existing, all powerful and creating. 

Therefore being creative (not creating out of nothing, ex nihilo, as God created) is to express that Image that we bear.

And what better case could be made for creating for the sake of creating (or for making abstract art) than the giraffe.  What purpose does it serve?  Does it have to?  Simply striking and unlike other land mammals but still enough like them to be recognized, the giraffe, just fun to look at. 

There is much in this world that could be given as examples of beauty for beauty’s sake, created because it may in fact just be fun to create.

But I have experienced taking what is meant for good and abusing it and often destroying it in my own life. So while it is not intrinsically evil or wrong, I suspect that to subscribe to “art for art’s sake” as the only rationale I can make for creating, there is a fair chance I would idolize my creation, my ability, my freedom, etc and make a mess out of something that was meant to be a blessing.

Philip Graham Ryken’s book Art for God’s Sake is insightful and encouraging.  He sets forth biblical examples of God mandating artistry of all kinds, calling artisans by name and preparing them.  One of the interesting insights was that the first men to mentioned as filled with God’s Spirit are the artisans called to create the tabernacle.  Not preachers, not scholars, not healers or apostles, but artisans.

The book looks at the rocky relationship between the church and art, the art as a Christian vocation, the biblical evidence that supports all kinds of art forms and biblical standards of quality for the arts; goodness, beauty, truth, and finally art that glorifies God.

He is also clear that to “God’s glory” doesn’t mean it has to be evangelistic or didactic.  It is an expression of love and doesn’t have to have a utilitarian function to glorify God; our own encounter with creation echoes that truth.

Beyond laying out a biblical support of and mandate to do art, the best summary of insight of this great little book for me comes from Ryken himself,

Thus the true purpose of art is the same as the true purpose of anything: it is not for ourselves or for our own self-expression, but for the service of others and the glory of God. Or to put all of this another way, making art is an expression of our love—love for God and love for our neighbor.

 “No one can serve two masters” Matt 6:24

Just about finished working on a piece, reflecting on my own need to “dethrone” myself (again) from the central place in my heart and life, and surrender again and trust God’s intentions for my life, versus my own designs.

During my own education and career ups and downs this year (among many great blessings, as well) I prayed, I begged, I expected, I demanded, and pretty much wore myself out looking for God’s provision (as I understood it should be). It still hasn’t come the way I demanded it, but what has come out of this time of suffering has been a keen awareness of how much I have sought to maintain control of my life, live by principles from the scriptures and with faith in God for the big stuff, and call the shots where everything else is concerned.

It hasn’t worked.

I found myself angry and chaffing at God’s wasteful (mis)management of my life, clearly I have too much to offer to be so underemployed (not to mention I hate the lack of money and prestige).

What is God thinking?

And in that, I have found the need to make a greater surrender to the One who has bought me at such a high price to Himself that I should be ashamed that I have doubted His goodwill.

God is no fool, and my life is not wasted by being entrusted to Him. Though I have been unhappy with my circumstances, as I have come to a greater surrender (one of many lifelong such encounters, I expect) there is a joy in my heart that doesn’t match my surroundings or make sense to me.

This piece was a simple reflection of that need to unseat myself from power and once again look to Jesus, my Savior and Lord, trusting not only in His love and good will, but also His grace to help me surrender afresh.

I was inspired to illustrate all this in a small space, using religious imagery (Christ knocking at the door, based on Rev 3:20), the images of revolution and overthrow, and old images I found. The verse over the heart box is from Matthew 6:24, stated above, no one can serve two masters. The ropes pulling down the king’s statue are crimson, a nod to the scarlet thread, a shadow of Christ’s blood sacrifice that saves us from our sin. It is only through the power of the cross of Christ that we can experience the power that changes us, reminding me that “all that this Grace asks, it provides.”

For the past seven months I have agonized at times at how to accurately share the good news with my friends since returning to faith in God’s incredible grace and reach for us through the cross.  I have struggled in part, because I have been so overwhelmed by the incredible sense of God’s love.  A love that cost Him dearly to express, the price of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for the sin of the world.  A free gift that was costly to the Giver, and from my own experience, largely misunderstood and unappreciated by those it was meant for.

This amazing knowledge, which has started to become my most important treasure, I have been eager to share.  Not out of religious duty, but from an overwhelming sense of how truly amazing grace is.  And not just for those “wretched” sinners out there, but to all the people I know who need to be embraced by grace, myself first among them.

Yet after every encounter  with this grace I find myself feeling more and more inadequate to the task, there is simply no way I can share this faith and have it be understood or appreciated and accepted.  I know this because after 10+ years in religious circles, it took being on the brink of losing everything I had to realize God’s grace was always there and available to me.

And so I kept on in silence, overwhelmed by this amazing burden.

And then Solomon dedicated the Temple.

It was a text in church, recently one Sunday evening.  Solomon, kneeling down, after completing years of work on the Temple in Jerusalem, hands raised and he asks aloud,

But will God indeed dwell with mankind on the earth?

Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain You; how much less this house which I have built.

I realized that I thought my problem was new, that somehow, I alone had been the first to be overwhelmed by the knowledge of God’s great love and my inability to express it to others.

King Solomon had pondered the question.  Could God be contained in a temple made with the hands of humans?  The very heavens couldn’t contain Him, would he be able to dwell among men in a building, however grand?

26 letters, thousands of words, yet it was hopeless to expect that my words could ever do this love, this grace, justice, by my frail attempts to contain it in words alone.

In the winter I took apart an old typewriter, for the keys, the letters and gears and springs that have all made their way into pieces of art I have made. But I kept the typewriter shell; my wife suggested it may be useful in some way later on. 

As I was up one night musing on God’s grace and my inability, I realized that useless typewriter was a perfect metaphor for my own inability to communicate through words the greatness of God’s reach for us, and if a message came from it, that would be a miracle.

But recently as I have felt compelled to live this grace out more fully, I have been startled that I am in fact a letter, written by God to all who I come in contact with, and my words are nearly silent in comparison to the deeds seen by all.  And so I am more dependent for grace than before and more inadequate to the task than ever. 

But God has contented Himself to dwell in a temple not made with human hands and so it goes…

words fail, but love never fails.